Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
