I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
