She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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