You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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