Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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