would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have aggressive nipples.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
