Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize