My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
