I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I believe in your delicious
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
