I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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