You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
