the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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