You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
