Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
