This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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