I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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