If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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