john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
