We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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