Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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