Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
