Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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