I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
