u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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