Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
