u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
