You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize