I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My ATM looks so different sober.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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