So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
