that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
