I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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