tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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