the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
