Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize