so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
