the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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