another moral hangover. fuck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
