check it out our google latitudes are spooning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
