If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
