If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
