I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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