i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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