i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
