Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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