I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
