Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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