I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this just has baby written all over it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
