I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please come you make the beer taste better
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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