Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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