so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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