between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
