The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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