i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
