i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are we still banned from the library?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
