There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
