I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
