oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
