just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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