I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
