after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
