dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
