Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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