I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
