So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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