So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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