Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
