is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
