Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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