hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
