batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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