she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
