You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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