i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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