if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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