is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
