what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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