sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
